I almost talked myself out of writing this post. People might think it’s morbid. Then I thought about how helpful it would have been if I knew this information without having to figure it out by myself. Yes it is possible to do a DIY Celebration of Life Ceremony.
There’s also the fact that blogs are where people can talk about their experiences. No one has to read their posts. And if they do read them, they don’t have to like the content. But sometimes people find our information helpful. That’s what I’m hoping for.
My mom unexpectedly passed away in February of 2022. I guess no one is really prepared for the passing of a loved one. My tribute to Mom is here.
Way before this, Mom had made it clear that she wanted to be cremated and she didn’t want an extravagant funeral. She also purchased a small insurance policy to help with the expenses.
Prearrangements – There Were Not Any
Mom took care of finding her own insurance broker and made the monthly payments on her own policy. This much I knew because she discussed it with me when she bought the policy. We thought she had also made her own prearrangements because she mentioned this too.
The day came when I had to speak with the insurance broker and funeral home. Thankfully, I called the insurance broker first. I wanted to know how much we could afford for the funeral.
He was the nicest man. Who gave me the BEST advice. He said your mom sacrificed to purchase this policy. She wanted you and your family to receive this money. Do not let the funeral home take it all away.
I’m listening……. He knew Mom wanted to be cremated. He said the funeral home will take full advantage of your grief. They are not bad people, but they are running a business. He explained that we could shop around for a crematorium to save money. Seriously?
My next call was to the funeral home, I asked what prearrangements Mom had made. They explained she had not made any arrangements for a funeral. She had only paid for a niche where she wanted her cremains to be placed.
Shopping For a Crematorium
Our small family was gathered at my home that day. (We were all prepared to make the final arrangements at the funeral home.) When I got off the phone, I explained the results of my two phone calls to my family.
My niece grabbed her phone and exclaimed: “Here’s a place that does cremations for $800”. (You gotta love the youngsters, they can find anything on their phones.)
So we starting thinking of this whole process in a different way.
A DIY Celebration of Life Ceremony
Mom was not one to operate by standard rules. She was always unique. That same day, we discussed the possibility of planning our own ceremony to celebrate Mom. We could find a beautiful location outdoors. We could serve the food Mom liked and play some of Mom’s crazy, fun playlist.
And we didn’t have to have the ceremony right away. We could choose which day to celebrate Mom’s life. I could feel the pressure starting to lift.
I also made the call to the crematorium prior to all of us going to the funeral home. They explained everything and emailed me a form that I would need to give to the funeral home.
This form was necessary to transfer my mom’s remains from the funeral home to the crematorium.
Meeting at The Funeral Home
We all went together. They seated us around a large round table. A gentleman in a suit came in to speak with us. He provided a price list of services. Cremations at that funeral home were $4,000. This did not include any other services. A small funeral service was going to roughly cost an additional $12,000.
It was like a scene out of a movie, I pulled the “transfer form” out of my purse and slid it across the table as my family quietly watched. I mentioned we were going to handle my mom’s ceremony on our own and we were going to use a different crematorium.
The man’s face changed abruptly. It was almost immediate when he said, “Well alright, we are done here.” He was not rude, but you could tell he was not expecting what we had to say.
The Mood Became Brighter
Of course, we were all grieving. But we also felt empowered. We knew Mom would be proud of us for standing on our own and not needlessly giving all the money away to the funeral home. We went to lunch and laughed at that poor man’s expense 😊
Planning Mom’s DIY Celebration of Life Ceremony
Over the next few weeks we worked together to plan Mom’s ceremony. It was almost like planning a small wedding. We made a list of several event sites in our area. We made the time to visit all of them. The choice soon became clear to all of us.
We chose the one with a beautiful outdoor setting. It had a gazebo and a bridge over the pond, complete with 2 swans. I am not making this up! It was like a Thomas Kinkade painting (which Mom also loved).
Now with the location locked down. We set the date for late Spring and ideas started to flutter in. We all pitched in by remembering those things that made Mom special. She loved lights, water features, mirrors, flowers, candles, music boxes, all things pretty, purple and gold. We found interesting ways to incorporate all of this in our outdoor setting.
Everything had to be special. We worked over the next several weeks to source all the items we would need. We already had all the twinkle lights and candles. But Mom’s water features were all too heavy to transport. So, I found this great little fountain that looks more substantial than it really is. It was perfect. We finished it off with some small underwater lights (not pictured here).
Since I freelance in the floral industry, I was able to select beautiful varieties of purple and lavender flowers and gorgeous hydrangeas. I used a flowerpot stand from Mom’s garden for this centerpiece.
Is It Tacky To Bedazzle an Urn?
Up to this point, Mom’s cremains had been delivered to us in a plain box. We laughed at how Mom would not have approved of the plain box. Because Mom was anything but ordinary. She loved all things bright, shiny, blingy and unique. I searched online for possible urns. I found nothing suitable. Apparently, boring urns are the trend.
Then I found a beautiful option on Amazon (as crazy at that sounds, yes you can even buy urns on Amazon!). It’s a soft shimmery champagne color. Still sort of plain but at least the shape was beautiful. And I loved the candle feature.
When it arrived, I saw an opportunity to make it more befitting of my mom’s cremains. It needed bling. But I first struggled with the idea. Was that tacky? Oh heck, there will always be naysayers. You can’t please everyone. But I knew Mom would love it. So I went for it!
The process was tearful and cathartic. I lovingly hand-placed every single crystal. I really love these crystals because they look like Swarovski. And it comes with this “jewel picker”. A very necessary tool for this type of work.
For me, it was easiest to spread some glue in a small section then set the jewels. Since I had graduated sizes of crystals, I was able to gradually go from the thin area at the bottom to the wider area at the top.
Don’t lose the caps to the jewel picker. They help protect the “sticky” nature of the jewel picker tips. It’s that stickiness that allows you to pick up the jewels and place them. Trust, some of these crystals were so tiny I could not have done it without this tool.
The Day Arrived for Mom’s DIY Celebration of Life Ceremony
A group of us started first thing in the morning to decorate what was already a beautiful location. But we had to make it our own. The focal point was the gazebo. I found a way to incorporate mirrors (Mom had a thing for mirrors).
You can’t tell in this photo, but Mom’s urn was atop a small turning base. We had music going and Mom became her own music box.
Thankfully, the location catered the food. We served Mom’s favorite: fajita tacos with all the trimmings. We also served frozen margaritas – it was a celebration after all. For dessert, we brought out boxes of Mexican sweet bread. Another of Mom’s favorites and it was the delight of our guests.
After we all visited and ate, guests took turns telling their favorite stories about Mom. She would have loved the lights and the stories 😊
Send Off
We closed a beautiful celebration of Mom with a sparkler send off.
Materials Used for DIY Celebration of Life Ceremony
Pen to sign custom guestbook
18″ Gold sparklers (90 seconds burn time)
Take Away
Don’t be overly concerned with what other people are going to think or say. Someone wisely said, “Trying to please everyone usually means we have pleased no one”. Which leads to the next wise saying, “To thine own self be true”.
In this case, we were true to Mom. She was all about Making it Fabulous!
Please Share
Know someone else who might find this helpful? Please don’t forget to LIKE and SHARE, it really helps me 🙂 Easy buttons found just below.